FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
