my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
