i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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