I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
