the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
