Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
