Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
