I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
