i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
