I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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