This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
