I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
