how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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