and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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