Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
