You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
