Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think my vagina is haunted
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
