I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
