I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
