Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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