Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
