You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
