I looked at my own cervix.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
