dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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