I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want nice things and good sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
