Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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