I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
