I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
