Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude