his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am mentally ready for anal.