someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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