I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i am craving dick and cupcakes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail