I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.