She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
