the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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