im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
