ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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