so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
