Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize