Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
