Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
