im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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