I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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