I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
