Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
