You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
