if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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