I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
