I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
