UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
