i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
