Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
