we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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