: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
