There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Are we still banned from the library?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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