Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
