i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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