Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
