cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
