i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
