GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize