and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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