I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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