if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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