well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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