He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
