We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
