I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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