Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
