she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
