drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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